eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
