my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
