You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
