cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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