Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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