one two three fourrrrnication!
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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