so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Randomize
