saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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