I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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