2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
