i always forget guys have bellybuttons
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
