My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
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