dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
