i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
