His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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