what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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