Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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