Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize