i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I have aggressive nipples.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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