It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
