My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
