I never want to see another naked old woman again.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
