I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
My vagina is officially offended.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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