we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
