Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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