you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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