you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
