Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize
