she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
