is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
