It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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