He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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