first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
