You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
