I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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