I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
