You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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