tell your sister to shave her snatch
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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