Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
