You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
it hurts more in the daytime
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
