he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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