How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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