Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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