Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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