So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
