we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
