Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
