ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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