yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
