meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
be right there i have to get my cape
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
