I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
