We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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