I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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