new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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