Is it normal to miss your booty call?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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