I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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