Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize