Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
