my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My bed smells like the plague
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