There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
