you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
