my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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