Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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