I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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