Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You are the jesus of drinking
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
