mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I think I sprained my soul last night
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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