Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
