i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
