Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
