Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
